ALV
I will share something more with you today, and hope again that you will have patience to go thru this. Here I go.
When my boy was about an year and a half, (he was yet to start speaking) I had gone on an official tour, for about a few days. When I returned, the child, the moment it saw me, just came and sat on my lap, and since it could not express itself in words, just cosied upto me, and beautifully conveyed it's message; that it missed me, and was overjoyed at receiving me back.
In that moment of bliss, there was absolutely nothing that could come between us ; neither my financial insecurity, nor my inconsequential job ( my boss was a inmitigable pain) nothing could take away the absolute ( to borrow your phrase) the peace and love between a father and his child.
When you wrote to me about my ability to write well, first I was flattered, and then after, out of the blue, this incident came to my mind. and it triggered a chain of thoughts which was what I wanted to share.
After this incident, life went on, with no great milestones to write home about. I was brought up in an orthodox traditional family, and daily prayers meditation was part of the psyche/curriculam. But these were largely tinged with a "system of barter"; paradigm ; there was this expectatation of a favour from Him in proportion to the perceived intensity of the prayers. And invariably, the perception was that He chose others for His Grace over me/us in the family.
Over a period, this feeling of not getting a "fair due" (honestly) , was slowly getting less and less, as my age progressed. And it was after my mothers death, methinks, that there was this slow but noticeable change ; the barter paradigm was almost disappearing, and there was this new found experience of being able to find comfort in others' happiness. It was as if my mother -- who was an extra-ordinarily great lady, who wore patience in her sleeve, and could find comfort in any and everybody's happiness --- willed a part of her great qualities to her sons, which included yours truly.
This was about a few years ago, and my writing ability improved, but since the baggage of earlier years, could not be adequately discarded, the angst, at His scheme of things reflected itself in my outpourings. The fate against free will debate, was overwhelmingly in favour of inevitability of fate ; this was the only thing which could conveniently explain the so-called miseries of my current life.
The mind therefore was once again reverting back to battling for comforting answers to questions about how the most undeserving seemed to be receipients of His Grace etc.
It was at this time that out of nowhere, I get an acquaintance of a girl named Rebecca, from a place which could only be described as the material worlds ultimate "nirvana" who with her overwhelmingly spiritual ethos, and at an age, when pursuits of mundane, overshadows everything else, talks of "peace and love". It was impossible to imagine that this was anything other than a providential "will" that, wanted to give me a humbling experience, as her words had a very strong empathetic resonance, in my heart. Rebecca, you are truly a remarkable human being.
It was as if God was re-iterating His message of telling me to get back firmly and with an unequivocal resolve, to the path of "doing my duties, with absolute detachment, and without expectation of any results" and answers to my queries will come as and when due..... period.
I therefore felt, that I must express my gratitude, to you for rekindling the desire to "know myself" quest in me.
May God shower you and your kid with His choicest blessings with "riches, peace, plenty of love" and a comfort in any and every thing you want to do ...... Amen
R :
In the American idiom, destiny is synonymous with fate. Is it the same in your tradition?
ALV:
About the fate/destiny debate and about my writing to a western audience I will revert. Meantime request your looking up our family blog
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