To be honest, I am almost invariably disturbed, when I hear about ones who can do better in terms of financial security. My first reaction to your self-portrayal, without the sophistry/verbal callisthenics, of a "readers digest kind of true incidents" was that, it was thoroughly honest, and without any hint of self-pity. And the immediate next reaction was, a prayer to God, that He for a change, forgets His usual sense of humour( He takes immense pleasure in testing the faithful), and gives you and your little daughter, His unalloyed, fullsome blessings, in a form which you are able to understand/ relish, and above all allow you to retain your eternal love for Him.
Born into an orthodox hindu brahmin family, all of us in the family, including yours truly, were brought up with the profound impression that deprival of anything which is essential for a good living, is in itself a "blessing" from Him to lead one into the path of "liberation" until merger unto Him in a state of absolute "bliss". And in this age --where the greatest of "marketing wizards" din into one that one's job is to turn all desires into an absolute need, so that everyone can sell everything to everyone else, in perpetuity and live in an utopian bliss, --our lives have been a constant struggle in convincing ourselves all the time, that any fulfillment of our desires was not in any way an obstacle to our path to self realisation.
To come to specifics, I have just retired from my job with an auto component manufacturer, and my family consists of my wife Geetha, ( we are married for over 34 years) and a son who is still to be settled, in terms of a decent job and is single and who, I deeply feel is my responsibility. I have an honours degree in Chemistry, and when I say I am unlettered, I mean more in the spiritual sense, of the word.
We have never travelled outside of India, and quite honestly, I do not have any great desire for any globetrotting, at this stage in my life, with my son's proper placement, besides the earnest desire to "know myself" thoughts occupying my mind almost entirely. In true Hindu tradition, there is this undercurrent of a feeling of inevitability of one's fate, and uncertainty of one's tenure in this world, which prompts me all the time to think of "good" for every one of the fellow beings, as sooner or later I may have to render an account to Him (personally?).
I am saying all this without any sense of regret, or self-pity, or helplessness; I just feel that I need to "just do" like the nike ad says, and I continue to pray, that, I am able to fulfill at least part of the role He has assigned for me, before my time comes to say goodbye.
Very heavy and a bit boring? Pl pardon me, madam, I am in this mood today, at this moment. I will reserve further narrative to my next instalment.
R :
Again you delight me, this time with your portrait of yourself and what occupies your mind and also, of course, with your prayer for God to be gentle with me.
I would love for you to tell me more about the notion of fate--how it appears in your tradition and how it plays out in your life. In Western pop psychology and metaphysics there is the notion that we should 'go with the flow' which implies that we take life as it comes like a surfer takes each wave. It's a lovely notion, but extremely passive for Westerners who tend to be so pentrating (tho not all are, of course). It feels like a case of "both/and" to me--where we are to be receptive and appreciative, and always balance that with our moments of creating and contributing. If fate is real, then this all gets much more complicated...
What can you tell me on this subject? It is very much what I'm sitting with today.
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