“Looking Inward”
Have you ever noticed, the overwhelming desire of the Gen-Previous, to please the young ones, offering to share everything that they can think of? Just imagine you visiting an old relative, who is dear, for a lunch. The moment the lady of the house perceives your liking for the food that is served, she will offer the condiment prepared by her sometime back, or ask you to try a variety of unrelated dishes, all of which -she would fancy- would be loved by you.
All her actions are indeed less of an attempt to show-off her expertise in making those dishes; than her desire to please. A realization that her offerings have gone down well fills her with a great sense of satisfaction /fulfillment.
Quite similarly, children often try and dish out their pieces of efforts, the moment they perceive an interest from any of the elders. Here again, the desire to please far exceeds the desire to show-off. The appreciation indeed gives them enormous joy.
I am beginning to feel likewise; the desire to share my thought processes, with every one I consider dear, is over-powering. The moment I finish a column, I start worrying as to how I can sustain this…. And in the process am quite oblivious to the reality that, all my offerings need not go well with everybody, as also the fact that there could be a more profound or for that matter an altogether unexpected reaction, to my ramblings.
In the process, to my discomfited surprise, I seem to be beginning to act like the old-lady….. Trying to make people to sample a variety of my pieces, quite unmindful as to whether they are interested at all or not!!
I do hope that the gen-next would indulge me some more in my new found enthusiasm, by actually trying to read them, and if possible, keep a dialogue going.
Heavy preamble? Sorry, as, for what is going to follow, a background was essential, and here I go, with one more of my samples!!!
You would all recall my deepawali message. The high points were the appreciative responses from the Chairman of Eicher Sri Sandilya, and the Management Guru Sri Athreya. The low points were the avoidable misunderstanding with Anna &Sheela.
After I sent this message, I happened to speak to one of my colleagues in Rane; finding him appreciative of my message, I jokingly asked him whether he had already started looking “inward”.
To my surprise, his reply was that he had always been looking “inward”. And his response to what I then said to him namely that, - it’s been my regret that, the Rane big wigs appeared to give a go-by to such passionate messages- was more unexpected. He said that if I had this feeling, then, I wasn’t looking inward at all. Profound?
The other incident was after I wrote a strong piece to Sheela; I was talking to Naresh, and told him about my fear, that of late, Narcissus-like, I was enjoying my own written pieces. His reaction was again a surprise. After a very brief pause, he said that this probably was true!! In fact according to him, both Anna & I were/are so fascinated by our own views, that a common ground was difficult to find!!
And there I was, imagining that my response to Sheela was passionate, very articulate, and a fitting rebuttal to every one of the charges made by her, and that none of it was possible, if what I had written, had not been pleasing to me in the first place. The non- rebuttal of Narcissistic streak was a surprise.
Which inevitably led to the questions as to
(A)Whether looking inward would mean that the world/the people around you, do not matter? And if every one of us were to just start looking “inward”, how does the world function?
(B) Whether an appreciation of one’s own efforts is akin to a narcissistic streak?
Both of the above, seemed quite absurd, and therefore prompted a further probe.
Let me take these one after the other:
A. Looking Inward:
The common interpretation would be that, before any action, look to your conscience, and make sure that there is neither hypocrisy nor ill-will, nor mala-fide…..The internal Universal soul will not allow you stray the path.
A more profound interpretation would be that all that you see, hear, all that’s in the external/internal are but the manifestation of the Universal soul, which resides in your heart. The whole purpose of this janma is for the individual soul to look inward to experience, merge and completely dissolve into the Universal soul in absolute bliss.
It’s my belief that the common interpretation, would have to precede the latter one, albeit with a clear knowledge, that one has to transcend this stage. This graduation to the next profound stage, is however entirely dependant on His Grace.
The graduation to the profound stage, is neither easy, nor a free-for-all. If we, Mortals, who are predominantly in the first stage, were to live in harmony & peace, “looking inward” part is very relevant. This is universally applicable to every one irrespective of one’s vocation, be it a social worker, a priest, a rigorous doer of anushtanam, or whatever. This “looking inward” would protect us from straying from the path.
Any one arrogating himself to assume that he has graduated to the profound stage, and starts pretending- that getting affected by lack of response from others to passionate “sadhbhavanas” is akin to “not looking inward at all” - can at best be a hypocrite, if not a fraud.
B. Appreciation of one’s own work
I steadfastly believe that unless one is able to convince oneself that his work is good, there is no way that he can expect others to appreciate it. In a way, when one wants to reassure himself that his work is good, he is sub-consciously looking inward for an appreciation; and sublime pieces are those that are inspired by the loving appreciation/ and the Grace of the Universal soul……
The stupid Narcissus was just fascinated with his external physical appearance, and any one who is so inclined to view his work, or if an unworthy piece appeals to you, one can be sure that he is straying. And if a piece touches you, pardon me for arrogating myself to say, that it is the Paramaatma residing inside who is appreciating.
Maverick enough? I do not know, but to borrow the famous McDonald’s phrase, “I am loving it”…………. And anyone who feels that this is narcissistic, let him go to hell…… Vichu
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